In all my life, I’ve loved 3 individuals. Sit tight, it’s going to be one heck of a ride.
Meeting you was like feeling the first drop of rain on a sunny day. Surprised, a little disappointment, but refreshing. Although it has been many years, I don’t remember much about you. Actually, I remember nothing really. All I know is, as bad of a person you were, I stayed. I must’ve seen something in you. You must’ve made me feel something other than the fear I had while with you. You were abusive. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. You took advantage of the fact that I was young and naive and twisted my reality into believing there was only you for me. The most compulsive and manipulating human being I have ever encountered… Yet, I thank you. Thank you for putting me through hell and thank you for not returning the same love I gave to you. Leaving you and having you there as a faded, burnt memory made me strong.
After the devil, I met an angel.
I was praised when all my friends heard I was dating you, “Oh my gosh, he’s the cutest guy at *high-school name*, you are so lucky!” It was a good feeling. The words you said to me gave me ultimate butterflies, I can still remember the feeling of my cheeks hurting from smiling at your cheesy lines. You definitely made life brighter for me. Let me tell you. The pros about getting out of a bad relationship is that you grow from it, the cons about getting out of a bad relationship is that your walls fly up and you don’t love as hard anymore. And you, you loved me so much. More than you should have, I am sorry I couldn’t love you the same way you loved me. That was my mistake. Instead of hugging you while you cried because I showed no emotion, I let your home boys comfort you while I got drunk. I didn’t deserve your love. My heart did not ache when I saw you beg, I did not shed a tear when we split…
& I believe because of you, I met karma.
Loving you was a beautiful nightmare. I’ve never depended on someone so much as I’ve depended on you. You loved every inch of my imperfect mind, soul, and body. & I loved every spec of your perfect imperfections. The I’m-perfect duo, you and I. We’d laugh, we’d cry, we’d make up, we’d end, and we’d begin again. You see, our love story was different. A forbidden love, you could say. No matter what path we were to choose, no matter how tight we were to hold onto one another, the fact that we would never work was inevitable. But yet, we tried. We loved hard, we took risks, and broke all the rules… As much as I am scared of roller coasters and heights, I was never afraid of us. What I was afraid of was our roller coaster ending. And that it did. Leaving you was the hardest, because I didn’t want to. But I had to after the day I saw you hold her hand. Like I said, our love story was a different one. We were forced to do some things that we knew were going to hurt one another, just so we could forget about each other…and that brought no pleasure at all..for both ends. Most of you are probably very confused, like “obviously it wasn’t love if you two were hurting each other” trust me, it was… A sad love. Only few in this world will encounter this pain, and some are lucky to never know of heartache…
If only the heart were as cold as it pretends to be.
- s c a t t e r e d t h o u g h t s